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My Products 2017

“Anything… weird ever happen here?” succession by every location-specific iterative of the term – “24 hr fitness Burbank”, “24 hr fitness Austin”, “24 hr fitness NewYork”, etcetera, etcetera, ad naseum. This list went on for over a hundred pages of results, and was unbroken by any variation that included the words “tips”, “tricks” or even – stunningly – the ubiquitous internet staple of “free”. What the heck is going on here? I thought to myself. Does no one work out during the day anymore? When had this happened? Did I miss a memo or something? Why hadn’t I been notified? Images and scenarios began to fill my head in rapid succession, my imagination blooming like a Moonflower. There was movement afoot that I knew nothing about – secret and soundlessly it had come upon me, and therefore, in my mind, with nefarious intent. Game of Thrones popped into my head. What was that line? Ah, yes; “The night is dark and full of terrors” These gymnasiums were obviously the secret chambers of the rising new world order, a society of Freemasons chiseling away at their bodies in the bitter watches of the night, with attendant Alchemists feeding them tinctures of wheatgrass 26 JUNE • 17 wellth.xyz


My Products 2017
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